Blogging Twilight: It’s Very Funny


Dan read this book, and he blogged about it.

Want to be able to legitimately poke fun at Twilight, but don’t want the hassle of actually reading the book?

Have we got the website for you!

It’s called “Blogging Twilight”, and I have a link to the first part for you:

http://community.sparknotes.com/index.php/2009/05/06/the-twilight-experience/

This guy, Dan Bergstein, is funny. And he was forced to read all four books in the Twilight Saga, just so he could blog about them, chapter by agonising chapter. I’m sure he really did not appreciate it, but he makes the most of it. He’s rather hilarious.

Here’s a quote:

“During the course of the conversation, Bella asks if Edward can read minds. During a rather confusing and awkward conversation, he admits that he can read minds, but not her mind. (Brain tumor! I’m telling you!) It’s funny that Edward can’t read Bella’s thoughts. I can read her thoughts just fine. Perhaps I’m a super vampire.”

This is Dan.

For anyone interested, as far as I can tell, Dan’s favourite character’s are Emmett, Bella’s Truck, and that guy Conner, who never says or does anything. And he feels really sorry for Eric.

Now, I read Twilight a few years ago, when all my friends were talking about it. It was ok. Not difficult to read or anything. Kind of perfect for the stressful time that was upper high school.

I read the next two books. Not bad. I really didn’t like Bella, and I thought that Jacob was a whiney bitch, but it was ok. I later reread the series, and realised there were some serious flaws in the books, but we won’t go into them. Except for this one:

“His expression was vivid.”

THAT MAKES NO SENSE!!

Anyway, so I couldn’t get a hold of the last book when it came out, so I read it online. Yeah. I know. Naughty. Whatever. I was intending to buy Breaking Dawn anyway, because I have a compulsive disorder that means I can’t own just one book of any series of novels. I must have them all. And I’d gone and bought the first three… like a cool kid.

So, I read Breaking Dawn online. And then next day at school (yes. It only took me a few hours), I asked one of my friends if what I’d read was actually what happened in Breaking Dawn, because I was convinced I’d accidentally read an entire fan fiction novel. But no. It was the actual book. I didn’t entirely believe her at first, so I checked with some other people too. I’d definitely read the right book. I have a lot more issues with this book than the other three, but that’s still not the point.

This was around the time the Twilight movie had come out, and I suddenly thought to myself “I cannot wait for this book to be made into a movie. It’s gonna be so gross!” And you know what? I really can’t wait to see how they’re going to gloss over some of the really yucky parts of that novel.

And that’s why I’ll probably go see Breaking Dawn at the cinema. This weekend, from the looks of things.

Wait. That was really not the point of this post, was it? Huh. Well, if you don’t know what the yucky stuff is that happens in Breaking Dawn, I’m sure Dan talks about it in “Blogging Twilight”.

Here’s the index page for your convenient navigation:

http://community.sparknotes.com/2009/07/16/blogging-twilight-index-page

Enjoy!

Oh, one more thing. Here’s what Dan predicted would happen in New Moon, before he read it:

“The moon is blown up after an epic battle between the vampires and the werewolves. Suddenly, when faced with erratic ocean tides, the two enemies join forces to build a new moon out of friendship and sticky rocks. (Hence the title.)”

Read “Blogging Twilight” to find out if that would have been a better plot!

Dan suggests that Bella should have dressed as a bear to make Edward attack her, and accidentally turn her into a vampire. She really should have tried that.