Websites We Like: Zero Punctuation
Disclaimer: The videos in this post would probably be rated MA+ if they weren’t online only. Just thought I’d mention it, in case you were confused by the fact that the videos are all animated (just FYI, don’t ever fall for this. Especially if it’s anime. Just coz it’s a cartoon doesn’t mean it’s ok for kids to watch).
People are often surprised to find out that I know what ‘Zero Punctuation’ is, let alone that I like it. I guess I’m not the kind of person who looks like I might like ‘Zero Punctuation’. And, that makes sense to me, when I think about it. I mean, I’m pretty geeky, but I’m not really into gaming. It’s my one flaw.
And ‘Zero Punctuation’ is a series of online game reviewing videos, so why would I like it? The biggest gaming achievement I have is having played The Sims for something like ten hours straight, and pulling a muscle in my stomach somehow, while doing so. Yeah.
But, back to the point… GFunk actually introduced me to ‘Zero Punctuation’ several years ago. He probably doesn’t even remember it, because it really was a while ago, and it didn’t really make much of an impression at the time. But I always remembered the name, because ‘Zero Punctuation’ is the kind of thing that a person who loves grammar as much as I do is likely to remember.
So, when I stumbled upon ‘Zero Punctuation’ again, I watched a few episodes, and discovered one thing in particular. I love the ‘Zero Punctuation’ opening theme song. Check it out!
I really love that theme song. It’s the best.
I also love this guy.
Not Pictured: The Real Person
He’s hilarious. Gross, at times, but definitely hilarious. And I think it’s time that everyone also loves this guy: Ben “Yahtzee” Croshaw.
I thought, to introduce any newbies to the awesomeness that is Zero Punctuation, I should select some videos that review games that most of you will have heard of. Or at least titles that you might have heard of…
Also, I tried very hard to pick videos that were even a little bit appropriate for all audiences. But, I don’t think there are any. So, be aware… there will be swearing, and there will be inappropriate metaphors between game functions and… inappropriate stuff.
These videos are so inappropriate! And funny…
Anyway, here’s a review of Kirby’s Epic Yarn. Most people have heard of Kirby… I think.
And this video is a good introduction to what all these videos will be like (except most will be more inappropriate). Watch away, my friends! This guy’s opinions are way more interesting than mine!
Next up is a review of Super Mario 3D Land and Rayman Origins. Basically, he was trying to review Super Mario 3D Land, but he had to keep talking about Rayman Origins to keep from having some sort of fit of rage… At least, that was my interpretation. This is possibly one of my favourite ZP reviews, even if I do like Mario…
Perhaps a little review of Super Smash Bros Brawl will convince you that this guy is awesome.
And here we have a review of Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim… because you can be reading this blog and not have heard us mention Skyrim…
And finally, it’s time to go back in time to one of Yahtzee’s earlier reviews. This one is of Tomb Raider: Anniversary in 2007. Yes, I said 2007. Yes, this guy has been reviewing games online since 2007, and yes. All his videos are really good. Anyway, this video shows that while the videos weren’t always so awesome looking with such an awesome opening theme, the videos were always pretty epic.
Oh, how I love this guy. I just love his voice. So much. It’s almost as good as listening to Alan Rickman speak. Almost. Anyway, I have loved Zero Punctuation for a while now. And then I saw this, and Yahtzee is now dead to me.
HE DOESN’T LIKE JOSS WHEDON?!?!?!?! I… don’t even understand. It just… does not compute.
My response when a friend linked me to this video actually went like this:
“NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!”
“WHY WOULD YOU SHOW ME THIS?!?!?! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!! *cries*”
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! MAKE IT STOP!!!!”
“YOU RUINED ZERO PUNCTUATION FOR ME!!!! HOW COULD YOU?!?!?!?!?!?! He just mentioned Buffy and I was all OH NO YOU DIDN’T, BITCH!!!!”
So much hatred and betrayal. Lol. Just kidding. I’ll still watch his videos. Always.
Zero Punctuation is that awesome.
I once visited a department store where they had a ‘kids animation’ section featuring in order of their shelving; Pokémon, Digimon, Pokémon, Yu-Gi-Oh, Hello Kitty, Gumby, Pokémon, Urotsukidoji: Legend of the Overfiend, more Pokémon (they had a fuckton of Pokémon dvds) and Carebears.
I felt it my duty to point out to the clerk that not only was Urotsukidoji *clearly* rated R18+ but that one look at the cover should have told them something was awry. I don’t recall My Little Pony or Digimon having many demon faced monsters with octopus like penis-tentacles and almost bare-chested women. But perhaps I’m mistaken on that.
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Ugh. Happens all the time. People are always whinging about what we expose kids to, and then there’s people out there putting some really inappropriate shows on the kids shelf, simply because they’re animated. It’s very silly.
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My favourite example is when Ch. 7 started showing Greg the Bunny as part of it’s children’s programming in the morning. Because it has puppets in it, I guess.
Pity they didn’t watch it. First episode features the titular Greg the Bunny humping Sarah Silverman’s leg. Also a drug addicted rabbit who tries to murder his replacement. And a guy who throws knives at children’s entertainers and is called a ‘crazy bastard’ by an alcoholic monkey.
It took them three weeks to notice their mistake – they didn’t even get the episode where Corey Fieldman gets arrested while in possession of puppet porn.
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TV stations often fail at life. We should make a tv station where we don’t fail!!
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