Top 10 Non-Human Couples
It’s Valentine’s Day again! In the past we’ve looked at the best geek couples and romantic comedies (written by someone who hates romcoms). In a desperate move to take a new angle we’ve chosen to go with non-human couples. No humans allowed. No Beauty and the Beast, no The Little Mermaid. These are the animals, monsters and…things…that tug our heartstrings even though they don’t all have hearts.
#10 – Spike and Drusilla
So they’re at the bottom of the list. Don’t freak out on me. They lost points for being much more humanoid than other entries and…well…they’re not a good couple. They’re violent, manipulative and soulless, but they do love each other. Spike will remain entirely devoted to Drusilla, and she is the only person able to temper him. Drusilla eventually dismisses Spike, and he tries to better himself, but she only needs to crook a finger at him to bring him back to her side. There’s a tragic, terrible romance at the heart of it all.
#9 – Sally and Jack Skellington
Living skeleton/Frankenstein creation
It’s lonely at the top. Just ask Jack…as the king of Halloween Town he sings sad songs about being misunderstood and loosing his passion for life. Little does he know that Sally – a rag doll creation of Doctor Finklestien – watches him from afar, pining for him. Although Jack may not see it right away the connection between the two is strong, with Sally being the only one who detects that something is wrong with Jack’s plan to take on Christmas for a year. She may not be able to set him right but she does stand by his side and gives him the support he needs until his eye sockets are opened up.
#8 – Mike and Celia
You’d think champion scarer and well loved hero Sully would be the one making time with the ladies, so it says something that it’s the dumpy, unpopular Mike whose celebrating his anniversary with the good looking (I think that’s what they’re going for) secretary. It may be breaking type, but it works. Mike Wachowski is a romantic at heart, from being an ambitious student with dreams of the big league to inspiring his peers to step up to the plate. Celia works the front desk and hey, maybe she wants a bit of that romance in her life. The two are completely unashamed about getting goopy in public, right down to serenades in the middle of the workplace lobby.
#7 – Tina and Daffy
Initially the plan was to include Bugs and Lola from the new The Looney Tunes Show, but I honestly don’t know what keeps them together. Lola is completely bonkers and Bugs seems to keep dating her just to pass the time. Maybe she’s a beard? Anyway, we went with Daffy and Tina.
Daffy shouldn’t be dating. He’s a nasty, selfish and downright deluded individual. But he, through encouragement from Bugs, asked Tina out for a free dinner he’d won and against all odds they hit it off. Daffy lays out everything wrong with him and Tina responds that she likes a project. The relationship holds out because, although Tina is willing to let Daffy be himself, she is strong enough to put her foot down when he gets close to the line. It’s a rocky road for both of them, but they’re better people…ducks…for it.
#6 – Robin and Marian
There has never been a better version of Robin Hood on our screens and I will defend that statement to my dying breath. Marian and Robin don’t spend a lot of screen time together but their love for each other runs through the film like a current. He’s the charming thief with a heart of gold and she’s the aristocrat who dreams of an exciting life. And if fiction has taught us one thing it’s that this pairing are destined to be together.
#5 – Calhoun and Felix
Video game avatars
The switching gender roles used here could’ve been tacky, but the characters are so charming and well rounded that it doesn’t matter. The aw-shucks Felix is lucky to have survived his first encounter with Calhoun unperforated, and his goofy flirtations have little impact on the military commanders battle hardened attitude. When she sees him for what he really is – a hero – their physical differences are reduced to nothing. They’re linked by their shared values of nobility and justice, with them tying the not soon after their meeting.
#4 – Roger and Jessica
This makes no sense…but it kinda does. In a weird way. Jessica is the definitive sex symbol in pop culture, tying a room of wealthy and powerful men around her little finger within a moment of being on stage. Roger is a rabbit who makes his living beating himself with mallets and dropping fridges on his own head. It’s mind boggling to think that they somehow met, let alone got married. But…it works. They adore each other, and as the movie shows they would do anything for each other. But what draws Jessica to this goofy bunny? In her words, “he makes me laugh”.
#3 – Lady and the Tramp
Doesn’t Disney just love this dynamic. We saw it above with Robin and Marion and, although they got dropped off the end of this list, with Thomas and Duchess in The Aristocats. Lady’s name says it all – she comes from a good home, is the product of good breeding, is refined and is, well, a lady. When she winds up on the street she falls in with the Tramp, a good for nothing drifter whose charms may be just that: charm. Is this a pairing that could actually work, or is the class system wedge to big? Love, as always, wins out against the odds.
#2 – WALL-E and EVE
This is more than two ‘people’ going against the grain to find love…they’re going against their entire nature of being. WALL-E was built to help clean-up the giant pile of garbage that remains on Earth, and his years alone has left him yearning for something more. Specifically he wanted to hold hands, like he’d seen in old movies. When he meets EVE, another robot searching for plant life, she can’t comprehend what he wants. But when she sees what he did to care for her and it couldn’t be reciprocated she learns something new.
#1 – Miss Piggy and Kermit
After the band’s conductor failed to win fans as the show’s host in the unaired pilot, Kermit was handed the reigns and a legend was born. At the time Miss Piggy was one of the nameless chorus girls who filled out the cast, but she created a spark with the audience when she responded to an unwelcome comment from Kermit with a punch in his green face. The zest between the two turned into a high energy romance as they shared the stage and their lives. Her diva behaviour drives him up the wall, and his inability to commit tests her patience. They fight, they break up and then they rejoin on stage for a duet and the dance continues. The show just wouldn’t be the same with them.