The Art of Avoiding Spoilers: 5 Top Tips
If you’re a Star Wars fan like me and haven’t yet got around to seeing Rogue One you’re probably in a constant state of paranoia about encountering some spoilers. Before you decide to go all Howard Hughes and shut yourself away from the world, I’ve got some – slightly sarcastic – advice for maintaining that blissful ignorance before seeing a new release.
1. Don’t Trust Anyone:
The best way of avoiding spoilers is to assume everyone is out to ruin the film for you, if you’re really a geek this level of scepticism should be second nature to you. So, if a review doesn’t specify an absence of spoilers don’t read it, better yet don’t read any reviews because that’s a stupid risk in general. Alternatively, you may think if you stay in the safe haven of geek related forums everyone will follow spoiler etiquette, but you only need that one ‘edgy guy’ to ruin it for you.
2. Avoid Social Media
Now, even if you get lucky and that particular forum is full of considerate human beings you still have the gauntlet that is mainstream social media. If you’re not careful you’ll be casually scrolling through Twitter and you’ll see something you wish you hadn’t. You may be thinking, “But Twitter is a public newsfeed, my Facebook is just filled with boring family members baby pictures”. Rookie mistake. With that approach you’ll see Aunt Beryl blurting out how disappointed she was when that handsome Harrison Ford died because of his ungrateful son – relax it’s been a year.
So resist the urge to click on that little blue F and go do something else.
3. Consider Getting Some Help
If you can’t trust yourself to have the willpower to avoid social media then you can consider using a browser plugin to filter out spoiler related content. Something like the Chrome plugin Unspoiler will attempt to block out the stuff you don’t want to see. Of course, these aren’t going to be perfect, there is always the chance it’ll miss something or remove something you didn’t want removed. However, the upside is you’ll now have more leeway to be a bit more laissez-faire with your browsing habits.
Hang on that was some genuinely sensible advice…
4. Go Outside
For those of you who don’t know what this is, it’s the place with all the space and people. Out there everyone is far too preoccupied by their own business to do something as horrific as speaking to another human being. They’d much rather stare at their feet and pretend like they’re busy than interact with you.
Now, if you happen to be unfortunate enough to live in a place where the people are nice and speak to each other, a good way of avoiding interactions is to soil yourself. This way people will think you’re insane and the thing you want to see won’t be ruined. There’s practically no downside.
5. Go Watch It
If at this point you’re finding my advice to be ineffective – which is completely plausible – then my final suggestion is simple: Go watch the thing you want to see. The sooner you see the film the less time you have to spend rocking back and forth, in your underwear, with your fingers in your ears.
Then, once you’ve seen the film you now have the power to ruin it for everyone else, thus completing the circle of life.
There you have it, my brief guide to avoiding spoilers. In the event that you didn’t find anything that I’ve recommended helpful and you still can’t avoid spoilers, then I’d suggest trying to no longer enjoying things, that way you can never be disappointed.