X-Men Villains That Best Represent the Trump Administration


There have been two things holding my attention this week. I’ve been reading X-Men comics and President Trump’s public meltdown. Somewhere along the line the two pop culture fascinations merged and, well…

These are the X-Men Villains who best represent the Trump Administration, and his family because he gave them all high-paying jumps in the White House.

Ivanka Trump is THE WHITE QUEEN

Advisor to the President

This is the realisation that inspired my late night ramble into the void of the internet. I was watching an interview with Ivanka Trump and noted a fair number of similarities. Both present themselves in what they think is a regal manner, share a similar look and were both raised to radiate a refined and attractive image, they’re manipulative and try to sell their ‘look’ to younger generations, and they have some weird, unsettling sexual hold over their leader. Emma Frost managed to change her image from villain to complicated hero…we should be keeping an eye on Ivanka. She won’t go away without a fight.

Jared Kushner is MR. SINISTER

Senior Advisor to the President

Lurking over Trump’s shoulder in every meeting is his unsettling looking son-in-law, Jared Kushner. This unassuming young slumlord. Equally unsettling and glossy looking is Mister Sinister, and the two lads would have plenty to discuss over an afternoon cup of coffee beyond their outdated world view. Kushner and Ivanka’s married has been described as being more akin to a business deal, a union that would tickle Sinister’s interest in genealogy and eugenics. Their also keen on toying with people’s lives for profit.

Melania Trump is MYSTIQUE

First Lady

First choice for FLOTUS was Selene, the Black Queen, a darker counterpoint to the White Queen. I think it well reflected their dynamic.

But Melania is more of a Mystique. She’s playing a role here, that of the trophy wife to an aged supposedly wealthy man who will open doors to her. Suddenly she is thrust into a larger role, that of the First Lady. She didn’t sign up for this. She doesn’t want to be part of this.

It’s rumoured that Melania forced a renegotiated over her pre-nuptial agreement before she’d move from their New York apartment to the White House. She’s gonna need that pay-off, and the president does not need a PR problem like this.

Stephen Miller is APOCALYPSE

Senior Advisor to the President

The weirdly only 35 years old Stephen Miller spent his schooling years screaming from a soapbox about why he shouldn’t have to pick up his own trash when there are janitors there to do it for him. Like Apocalypse, Miller is all about those born into power holding on to it, and telling the rest society that they’d survive if they were stronger. He spent his time in the White House trying to force refugees out of the country, going as far of separating children from their parents, the latter being sent back to their countries of origins that they fled for fear of death. Funnily enough, many of them disappeared and there’s up to 666 refugee children whose parents cannot be found. There’s something ghoulish about their cold disregard for other human beings.

Rudy Giuliani is OMEGA RED

Member of Trump’s Legal Team

Let’s run down the list here…they’re both hold-overs from the late 90s that have not aged well for one thing. They’re both controlled by the Russian government. They are both responsible for spreading disease, one through COVID-19 misinformation and another through a mutant power. Omega Red has tentacles and Rudy is equally grabby, especially when around women a third of his age. You don’t want to be left in a room with either of them.

Eric Trump is TOAD

Executive Vice President of Development and Acquisitions of the Trump Organization (somebody isn’t the favourite child…)

This one is too easy. They’re both grotesque looking and are sickening sycophantic. That’s it.

Donald Trump Jr. is STRYFE

Executive Vice President of the Trump Organization

Stryfe is a dumb clone of a more memorable character and spends his entire life trying to life up to his father’s expectations. If that sounds familiar it’s because you just saw Eric Trump, but Donald Jr seems to have made this his entire personality. Now he’s brimming with rage and forces his distorted world view on others and attempts, pathetically, to be taken seriously by younger generations.

Matt Gaetz is ADAM X THE X-TREME

US Representative

You might consider Adam X a forgettable character, but Gaetz is a forgettable man. He isn’t one of Trump’s children, but by god does he wish he was. He sucks up to Trump as much as Don and Eric, but with less pay-off. More importantly though, he strikes me as a human soul patch wearing a backwards cap.

Steve Bannon is THE SUGAR MAN

Political Strategist

Bannon played a major role in getting Trump elected to the Oval Office, and was one of the many people who learned that disagreeing with the big man resulted in you being shown the door, usually announced on Twitter before they tell you. Don’t feel bad for him, as Bannon is a Trump loyalist who preferred pulling strings from the shadows. Sugar Man escaped a dying dimension and spend decades manipulating events while remaining in hiding. They’re also a bit work shy, as Sugar Man brutally forces the youth into slavery and Bannon scammed thousands of people by getting them to donate to a border wall fundraiser.

Tiffany Trump is FORGET-ME-NOT

Campaigner

I’m not sure if Not-Ivanka has a job in the administration, but I thought it would be funny to assign her a character who has the power of being forgotten. It’s apt.

Brett Kavanaugh is MASTERMIND

Associate Justice of the Supreme Court

Nominating an Associate Justice is a big moment for a president, as it’s their way of insuring their ideologies will be enforced after your term. Donald Trump thought his legacy was best encapsulated by Brett Kavanaugh, a man who ugly cried about liking beer during his job interview. What’s he got to do with Mastermind? Well, Kavanaugh has been accused a number of times of sexual assault and misconduct, often involving getting girls drunk first. Mastermind is a rapist who manipulates his victim’s minds to make them pliable.

Mitch McConnell is CAMERON HODGE

US Senator

The real evil behind the Trump Administration, the poisonous Emperor behind Trump’s bumbling Robot Chicken Darth Vader, is Mitch McConnell. This is creep who had himself a merry chuckle when asked about the number of COVID deaths, then exceeding 200,000. This is the stereotypical corrupt politician who has broken campaign promises in race he’s won, and he leans heavily into family values whilst simultaneously cheating on and then leaving his wife. Cameron Hodge is equally deceitful, having been Archangel’s long time friend and business partner, who handles the bureaucracy for X-Factor. It turns out this was a ploy to manipulate the mutants to further his own racist agenda, and he gaslights Angel into killing himself.

Like Mitch McConnell, who is returning to the senate following this election cycle, Cameron Hodge just won’t go away. Having made a deal with a demon, Hodge’s severed head spent an alarming amount of time attached to a spider robot monster. He was still more than willing to sell out his fellow man, as McConnell didn’t consider it important to renew health care funding for 9/11 emergency responders.

They’re both shamelessly two-faced. Hodge revels in his manipulation of his victims. McConnell blocked the Obama Presidency from nominating an associated justice in his final year in office, citing an unofficial rule. He then shamelessly and with great hypocrisy rushed one through in Trump’s final weeks, and then promptly sent everyone home for a break before they could sign a bill to continue funding for people left unemployed and facing homelessness due to the pandemic. There’s no comprehending of such heartless greed.

The similarities don’t stop there! Hodge was part of the Phalanx, who envelopes the human race in a virus as part of a power grab.

Mitch McConnell isn’t the monster who lurks under your bed. He’s the monster who evicts your grandmother on Christmas Day and repossess her dog.

Donald Trump is MOJO

President of the United States of America

I sincerely hope you didn’t scroll down here thinking Trump would be Magneto, simply because they’re top of hierarchy. Magneto is somewhat sympathetic, Mojo is outright foul. He’s is also weirdly coloured, featuring a pallor that makes the skin crawl. He’s driven almost entirely by ego, expecting to win and throwing a howling tantrum when they don’t. He’s obsessed with TV to the point that he’s part of the information cycle, hanging on to every word and regurgitating it back onto our screens. He capitalises on humanities worst traits, bringing societies ugliest qualities into the glaring studio lights he practically needs to breath. He’s known for being spineless on top of all things.

Now go through each sentence and work out which one refers to Trump, and which is about Mojo.