‘An American Werewolf in Paris’ Retro Review

Director: Anthony Waller

Starring: Tom Everett Scott, Julie Delpy

Plot: There’s American werewolves. In Paris.

Review: As it was said in the review for the original film, there aren’t many great werewolf movie out there. Whilst that original is one of the most entertaining movies ever produced, this sequel is so far down the other end of the spectrum they almost cancel each other out. This sequel is downright terrible. Every creative decision is wrong, every attempt to capture the original fails and there’s not one likeable character or scene.

Even if you aren’t a fan of the original (seriously?) you can’t deny that it showcased a huge leap in special effects, as created by Rick Baker, leading to the creation of a new Oscar category simply so they could give it one. That amazing sequence of puppetry and make-up is replaced this time around by CGI, and bad CGI at that. Even for the time it was released the CGI is crap as it largely isn’t rendered correctly making it look like a bad cut and paste job.

Why Julie? I know you can act!

It would be easy to tear this film down by comparing it to it’s predecessor but it would be fairer to examine it as a stand alone film. The movie begins with generic footage accompanied by generic horror footage concluding in a scientist type character being chased down and killed by monster or monsters unknown. At this point it looks like a fairly standard issue. Then we get introduced to the lead characters and everything goes down hill fast.

These three boys are completely unlikeable. Since we’re entering into a supernatural thriller featuring all kinds of weird characters and happenings it’s important that the viewer has someone normal to empathise with. When all we have are a trio of massive knobends this becomes difficult. They start out on a train adding up the points they’ve awarded themselves for having sex and doing eXtreme!!! sports whilst wearing outfits that look as though they’ve been fished out of a dumpster, and although the story takes place over the course of several days and nights, they never change their clothes. Anyway, during an EXXXTREME!!!!! stunt they rescue a girl who was trying to kill herself.

After tracking her down, the lead asshole, having decided that he’s in love with her, tries again and again to woo her. Long after the point where it would constitute harassment, they engage in a HILARIOUS [/sarcasm] scene where he pretends a condom is chewing gum so she doesn’t get the idea that he might want to have sex with her.

Where's your hand going buddy?

Eventually – more than half and hour into the story – some werewolves turn up and amazingly the movie gets even more boring. There’s some nonsense about a serum that allows werewolves to change whenever they want (thus removing the one distinctive quality of werewolf movies) and the whole thing descends into generic action/horror territory without any good ideas.

The number of downright awful scenes is frightening. The ‘wacky’ montage when they’re looking for the girls lost suicide note is eye-clawingly unfunny. The dream-within-a-dream riff where he’s not really dreaming after all is moronic – especially as it implies that he fell asleep whilst the girl of his dreams was explaining that he was a werewolf AND he was fondling her breasts. The sex scene in the graveyard will make you bash your head against the wall until you forget about having seen it. Some are just pathetic – such as the car ‘pile-up’ that looks more like bumper cars colliding.

A terrible, insulting movie starring a man whose face is just itching for a sudden collision with a frying pan.

ONE outta TEN

Wow. Convincing.