‘Final Destination’ Review Round-Up
In a couple of days the most recent and one of the most popular of the ‘Final Destination’ movies will arrive on DVD. So let’s take the time to look back at the spectacular dismemberment the series has given us in the past…
Final Destination
Director: James Wong
Starring: Devon Sawa, Ali Larter, Kerr Smith
Plot: It turns out that Death gives a crap about some annoying teenagers.
Review: The Final Destination movies have under gone a slight change since this original horror thriller. New audiences who’ve backtracked from the more recent entries may be surprised to find the level of gore is toned down in favour of suspense and story. It still manages to hold up as a good example of the genre and franchise regardless.
This is a story that requires that the audience never think to much about what is happening on screen, lest the futility of what the characters are doing. Escaping death? How long do they intend to keep this up? I get the survival instinct behind it, but you can only listen to them banging on about ‘escaping death’ before they sound like numbskulls.
Decent performaces, and interesting concept does manage to sustain the movie though, and it still entertains years after.
SIX outta TEN
Final Destination 2
Director: David Ellis
Starring: Ali Larter, Kratos
Plot: Death continues to be a Rube Goldberg fanatic.
Review:I know some people will disagree, but this is the best in ther series to date. The first is a great horror movie (so long as you don’t think about it too closely), but seems uncertain about what it wants to do – possibly due to it being a padded out script intended to be used in The X-Files. The second movie is the one where everyone had a clear idea of what was expected. Elaborate, horrific deaths linked by the concept of premonitions.Whilst the characters are far from well written or acted, the writers manage to keep them interesting enough to keep the viewer engaged and douchebaggy enough to feel like they had it coming. Some of the best set-pieces in the series occured in this installment – mainly the barb wire sectioning. Death begins to feel like he’s got a sense of humour.The series peaked right about here.
SEVEN outta TEN
Final Destination 3
Director: James Wong
Starring: Mary Elizabeth Winsted, Ryan Merriman
Plot: A bunch of stuff happens around the worlds biggest plot hole.
Review:They basically hit repeat on the formula from the second movie, but didn’t manage to find a group of people who’d heard of acting before filming started. Plus deciding that a psychical threat in the form of a bland emo stereotype is pure stupid on a stick. But none of it really matters because the movie is broken.For those not in the know, each movie started with a person having a premonition of firey, bloody death and as a result saves themselves and a small group from their fate. In this case it’s a roller-coaster accident caused by a numbskull dropping his camera on the tracks.So when the promintion occurs, and the numbskull gets OFF THE ROLLER-COASTER with his camera, why does the accident still occur?
FOUR outta TEN
The Final Destination
Director: David Ellis
Starring: I don’t care, I never want to see any of them again.
Plot: The fuck is this shit?
Review:Man, it shoulda been a sign in the first scene when the film-makers couldn’t be bothered matching up events in the premonition to those that actually happen. It’s clear throughout the film that no-one making this gives anything close to a shit. With a 72 minute running time, they didn’t even bother writing a full movie.The characters are dumb as crap, and the actors playing them aren’t even that bright. The one saving grace of the series – the elaborate death set-ups, are horrifically boring and contrived while the bone-headed director makes fumbled attempts at misdirection, with one example being an extensive routine that doesn’t pay out, instead the victim getting killed by a flying pepple. And if you think that sounds stupid, it’s because you didn’t get to the scene where a guy gets his intestines sucked out through his butt.Instead of watching this, just smack yourself in the face with a hammer. It’s more fun.
ONE outte TEN
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