The Best & Worst Things Announced at D23


As you have heard, Disney unveiled enough cool new stuff for the entire internet to experience a prolonged orgasm and passively accept global take-over by an entertainment conglomerate. There’s so much amazing stuff, in fact, that it’s easy to gloss over the stupid things that we’d rather not have. So we’re going to quickly acknowledge what looks awesome to us, and then turn the spotlight onto the more head-scratching of announcements.

THE GOOD STUFF

Percy Jackson and the Olympians

What’s truly amazing is that no feature film adaptation of Rick Riordan’s endless franchise of mythological beings banging about the modern world. At least, none that we’re willing to acknowledge. Riordan himself has been more than a bit outspoken about his disappointment with the previous attempts. Disney+ know how to make an epic TV show though, since even someone as disinterested in Star Wars as I is hooked on The Mandalorian. Fingers crossed this will deliver a series that is respectful of the source novels and the classic myths, rather than neither of them.

Alien

It has now been confirmed that the first series based on the Alien franchise is in the works. We’re hoping this will somehow capture the magic of the original two movies, since the follow-up sequels, prequels and cross-overs have been increasingly demented and tiresome.

Ahsoka

I said above that I’m disinterested in Star Wars, and Ahsoka is a fan-favourite character who I’ve been only vaguely aware off through cultural osmosis. Recently she made her live-action debut on Disney+ in what was clearly a back-door pilot episode of The Mandalorian, and I’m ready to watch more of that kinda show. Plus she’s played by Rosario Dawson, and she’s rad.

Disenchancted

Do you remember Enchanted? It launched the Hollywood career of Amy Adams when she played a cliched Disney princess transported to the real world. James Marsden was born to play a cartoon prince brought to life and Idina Menzel has a completely non-singing role in a musical. Enchanted was Disney taking the piss out of itself years before the current attempts and being Woke and it’s about time it got a sequel.

Raya and the Last Dragon

That said, we’re really enjoying the original new titles Disney Animation have been putting out lately, such as Frozen, Wreck-It Ralph, Zootopia and Moana. And this is another one!

Zootopia+

With this title, I’m wondering it this is a meta in-universe TV stream from the fictional world of Zootopia. Either way, I loved that movie and genuinely look forward to seeing more of the world building. The film may be a bit preachy, but the framing of the complex issues was surprisingly strong for a movie about a talking bunny cop.

All the Marvel character announcements

I’m nicking this from Reddit because it’s easier than writing out all the ones that we’re excited for. Direct links between Wandavision, Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness and the next Spider-Man keeps hinting at something very epic coming up. Even without that…look at all the damn characters they’re bringing in!

Right, now for…

THE BAD STUFF

Turner and Hooch

Moving past the fact that whacky cop + dog movies were done so often in the 1980s and so blandly that we don’t need it revisited. But so long as there’s brand recognition and nostalgia, there’s a remake!

Willow

Is anyone out there looking for a remake of Willow? It’s a fantasy gem that feels very much a part of the era in which it was created. Doing it again is unlikely to improve our culture in any way.

Three Men and a Baby

No, stop with these lazy remakes.

Cheaper by the Dozen

STOP.

Sister Act

FUCKING STOP.

Hocus Pocus 2

Oh, what…that’s meant to be better? Find me one example of a cult classic that has a sequel knocked out 27 years and everyone enjoyed it. That’s what I thought.

Pinnochio

Robert Zemeckis has a weird obsession with making creepy motion-capture movies with A-List stars playing multiple roles. Best known is the hauntingly dead eyes of Tom Hanks in The Polar Express, and now they’re doing it again. Right down to Tom Hanks. I do not want to see this.