Movie Review: ‘Salem’s Lot

Plot: Based on the 1970s bestseller by Stephen King, ‘Salem’s Lot follows author Ben Mears (Lewis Pullman) who returns to his childhood hometown for research on a new novel. Unbeknownst to Ben, an evil begins to invade the Lot in the form of an ancient vampire named Kurt Barlow (Alexander Ward) and his familiar Richard Straker (Pilou Asbaek). As the town begins to fall under Barlow’s sway, Ben must unite with his love interest Susan (Mackenzie Leigh), high school teacher Matt Burke (Bill Camp), disillusioned priest Father Callahan (John Benjamin Hickey), skeptical Dr. Cody (Alfre Woodard), and elementary student Mark Petrie (Jordan Preston) to hunt down and destroy Barlow before it’s too late.

Review: Indulge me for a moment. I want to take you back to January 23, 2022. I’m at my friend Cory’s house watching my beloved Buffalo Bills take on the Kansas City Chiefs. In a playoff game for the ages, somehow the Bills led by quarterback Josh Allen take the lead with thirteen seconds left to go. Inexplicably, Chiefs’ quarterback Patrick Mahomes manages to position Kansas City for a last second field goal that ties the game. The Chiefs win in overtime and advance to the AFC championship game. I was devastated. I couldn’t help thinking about the missed opportunities. Even more frustrating, I was positive that the team would have gone on to win the Superbowl if they’d just beaten KC.

How I felt watching director Gary Dauberman’s latest adaptation of ‘Salem’s Lot, was akin to how I felt watching the Bills lose to the Chiefs. A frustrating series of missed opportunities.

Hampered by stilted performances, clunky dialogue, and a dearth of scares, ‘Salem’s Lot never coalesces into the horror classic I so desperately wanted it to be. While Dauberman is certainly well versed in the horror genre, having written the Annabelle films and both It movies, ‘Salem’s Lot suffers from a subpar script that never fully captures the essence and pervasive dread of King’s novel. There are glimmers, including the silent depictions of town life in the beginning, middle, and end of the movie as shown in King’s novel. The sequence where Matt brings Mike Ryserson (Spencer Treat Clark) home after he’s infected works well as does the scene where the vampiric Danny Glick (Nicholas Crovetti) confronts Mark Petrie outside his window.

Yet even the aforementioned scenes lack sufficient (pardon the pun) bite and narrative heft. Other sequences such as a flashback sequence where the child version of Ben enters the Marsten house and confronts the ghost of Hubert Marsten are completely excised. Ditto storylines involving an affair between a local telephone repairman and a married woman, the exploits of crooked land dealer Lawrence Crockett, and the dysfunctional and abusive relationship of the McDougall clan. Hell even the best scene in King’s novel where Callahan confronts Barlow is as menacing as a drowned rat and just as compelling. One of the attributes that makes King’s seminal work a classic is that it outlines all the petty grievances and small evils of small town living. It puts the lie to the “pastoral” myth of small town America. In this regard, Dauberman’s film is severely lacking. The fact that his initial cut was three hours long makes me yearn for what could have been. Moreover it solidifies my assertion Salem’s Lot should have been a miniseries.

Unfortunately, ‘Salem’s Lot‘s issues don’t end with the tepid script. Most of the acting performances in Dauberman’s film are inconsistent and mediocre at best. Lewis Pullman makes for a solid Ben Mears, although at times he’s stale when she should be stalwart. Thankfully, Pullman possesses a strong dynamic with Jordan Preston’s Mark Petrie, and their relationship was one of the highlights of the film. The same cannot be said for Ben and Susan’s relationship as Pullman and Leigh suffer from a severe lack of chemistry. Woodard’s Dr. Cody and William Sadler’s town constable Parkins Gillespie make for nice surprises although bother characters are severely underdeveloped. Noted character actor Bill Camp delivers the best performance of the bunch with his English teacher Matthew Burke seemingly ripped right out of the novel. Sadly the same cannot be said for John Benjamin Hickey’s Father Callahan who seems thoroughly miscast here. Father Callahan is one of the most flawed and complex characters in King novel and Dauberman’s version had the depth of a shallow grave. Hell even Pilou Asbaek’s (who soared as Euron Greyjoy in Game of Thrones) Straker should have been equal parts charming and menacing. Instead Asbaek’s Straker is decidedly milquetoast.

Now this isn’t to say that ‘Salem’s Lot completely lacks merit. Michael Burgess delivers some stunning photography, with multiple memorable shots, such as the scene where Straker takes Ralphie Glick (Cade Woodward) that’s told entirely through shadows. I also enjoyed the camerawork during the final confrontation at the town Drive-In. Additionally, Luke Ciarrocchi showcases some of the best editing I’ve seen this year in particular a cut from a coffin to a peanut butter and jelly sandwich that left me gaping. Also, I admired and appreciated the vampire look in Dauberman’s film which was reminiscent of Tobe Hooper’s 1979 miniseries.

However, even the few things I did enjoy of this version of ‘Salem’s Lot, cannot make up for the multiple missed opportunities that could have made this a classic tale of the Undead. Instead, ‘Salem’s Lot is mostly just dead on arrival.

My rating system:

1 God Awful Blind Yourself With Acid Bad

2 Straight Garbage

3 Bad

4 Sub Par

5 Average

6 Ok

7 Good

8 Great

9 Excellent

10 A Must See

‘Salem’s Lot: 5/10