No longer a member of the “George Lucas Hate Club”


by Randy

I never liked George Lucas, every time I saw him in interviews or behind the scenes, even way back before the rerelease of the original Star Wars trilogies I could only express to myself “Really? Him?” This is the GOD to our beloved Star Wars universe? Really? How come someone so boring be the creator of something so epic. I would have settled for a snobby english scholar or an awkwardly eccentric creep. But no, we get Mr. Flannel shirts.  Naturally that feeling of annoyance began to intensify with each passing year he got more involved with the films. First with the rereleases which had some interesting changes to say the least, the only alteration I personally felt was really annoying was that plant beak coming out of the Saarlac pit in The Return of the Jedi but I understand when people start having regressions of Han shooting first and CGI where there used to be cool practical effects. Then came the prequels, while I personally wasn’t as disappointed when I saw The Phantom Menace I certainly felt a disturbance in the force, and as we all know now, Emperor Lucas’ plans went beyond some mediocre follow-ups that were devoid of everything badass and that were drowned in computer graphics. He started tinkering more with his original creations.
This article is not about whether he should or shouldn’t alter his own creations, that’s for another debate. This is about our hate as fanboys, it’s a free country, he definitely has the rights to do whatever the hell he wants with his works, just pray he doesn’t alter them any further. At the same time, we have the right to bitch and moan about it. Just this year, the release of the BluRay came with a whole slew of irritating surprises, little details that irked most SW geeks out there, many proclaiming they’d be boycotting the movies. Did they follow trough? I know some did but others caved in because in the end it was still STAR WARS IN FRIGGING BLURAY! But we still hate Lucas right? Well, I’m way WAAY past hating George Lucas. I’m no longer a member of “The George Lucas hate club”. Like I said, I’ve pretty much never liked the dude, but now it has gone from so much hate and done a full 360. I actually kinda like him now. I see something in him in which I can relate. He’s being that annoying bitch that teases people just to get his rocks off.

Whosa are yousa?

He probably got so fed up by fanboyism he started to toy with their/OUR emotions, testing their limits with a delightful sense of schadenfreude. He probably has a get together every time something Star Wars gets released and starts a game called “Will they buy it?” complete with a Paul Shaffer style theme song. He’s just fucking with us (and please note I rarely say “fucking”), we’ve made him so rich he feels free to do anything he wants and doesn’t care about the consequences, in 10 years he’ll probably give Han Solo some reading glasses and have Leia digitally replaced with Willow Smith; instead of Ugnaughts , Cloud City will be run by Gungans, and just in cased someone missed the point, Darth Vader will say I AM YOUR FATHER BECAUSE I KISSED PADME ,YOUR MOTHER!!

I mean when I think about it, Darth Vader’s NOO from the new changes, Darth Vader’s NOOO from Episode III, “Are you an Angel?”, Mace Windu’s lame death, Darth Maul’s lame death, “That’s so wizard!”, slapstick C-3PO, a stupid, racist character with the most irritating voice imaginable that only our mothers and 3 year olds like… when I think about all this stuff I’m pretty sure Georgieboy is just yanking our chain. Pretty funny George, yussa so silly! I’m onto you! I do this all the time, I tease and annoy people until someone gets really mad then I start apologizing, then again, I’m not a gazillionaire, so I can’t rebuy my friends. I’m afraid of what I would be if I’d become one, Would I spend my days making teachers give out more homework with a morose delectation to hear the students bitch and groan? Would I buy every ticket to every movie in the theater with the exception of the new Adam Sandler movie? The World may never know but what I do know is that ol’ fuzzball George is probably laughing it up in his underground layer. He’s probably having a Roman holiday each time he makes a change to one of his movies and you just know it will happen again and he will laugh all the way to the bank, because most of us cave in, because if I wasn’t so poor, if I was truly a gazillionaire, I’d buy it ALL.