‘Cop Out’ Review
Cast: Bruce Willis, Tracey Morgan
Plot: There are two cops…and that’s about it.
Review: Sometimes you watch a movie that’s got a bad rep because it may be a misunderstood gem or (and more likely) it is horrible and you can amuse yourself trashing it in a review. This can occasionally backfire though – sometimes the movie is so terrible, so gutwrenchingly crap that it feels like it’s nothing but a total waste of time. It’s not even so bad that you can laugh at how bad it is. My only hope is that someone may read this review and make the wise choice to put it back on the shelf and rent something worth their time and money.
The movie starts with two cops played by Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan. There’s no story set up or establishment of the characters, we just get thrown into a scene in which they want to interrogate some guy, followed by Tracy Morgan repeating a series of random and pointless lines from other movies while Bruce Willis ‘reacts’ to them. Without knowing why this is happening or who the characters are this entire scene is confusing and unfunny. This is a preview as to what the rest of the movie has in store. Willis and Morgan play the same characters they have played dozens of times. Both looked bored and at times uncertain how they should be delivering their lines. Morgan only seems to have the one routine but it’s a bit depressing to see Willis reduced down to this level by the terrible material.
Just as bad is the story itself, which takes almost twenty minutes to actually get rolling. The main narrative is mostly concerned with the pointless, uninteresting story of Bruce Willis trying to recover a stolen baseball card, with other stories dropping in and out every couple of scenes. Mexican drug runners, a kidnapped victim and a cheating wife appear every fifteen minutes and then never get mentioned in between. It’s like watching one shitty movie that’s had a couple of other shitty movies spliced randomly into it. For example, although Morgan is supposedly torn up about his wife cheating on him he only talks about it and seems upset during scenes about that story – the rest of the time he’s giggling with Sean William Scott or making dumb jokes like nothing is the matter.
Direction and editing are amateurish at the very best. One boring, dull set-up follows another with the only variation being during the final shoot out where the camera floats nauseatingly around while the characters exchange quips. Although Cloverfield wasn’t a problem for me, this ham-fisted attempt at directing did make me nauseous. The movie is paced like a snail and the editor must’ve been drunk since more often than not the characters are speaking from off screen.
The actors look lost, the story is achingly dull and although it seemed to be trying for a ‘buddy-cop’ homage in the opening scene nothing else manages to fit this motif. Bruce Willis’ claim that Smith spend the whole production getting stoned and not talking to the actors is completely believable after seeing the movie. Kevin Smith had his usual tantrum when the movie was a critical flop having the gall to compare people trashing his multimillion dollar production to someone bullying a small child. Apparently Smith is delusional as well as a crummy film-maker – is it out of the realm of possibility that he could accept the criticism and try to do a better job next time.
This is a movie so shitty that even the Blu-Ray menu is terribly made. If you try and go to the ‘Scene Selection’ option is shows you the scenes in a loop…with the last scene right there next to the first scene! What idiot designed this garbage?!
Score: ONE outta TEN