Ladykiller – A Tribute to the Women That James Bond Inadvertedly Got Killed
Working as a spy is going to result in plenty of blood on your hands, but there’s a difference between the blood of a megalomaniac terrorist and an innocent victim. Throughout his career Bond’s actions have resulted in the deaths of many innocent women who have had the misfortune to close his path. It’s time to pay tribute to the victim’s of Bond’s business.
Note that the final entry concerns plot points from ‘Skyfall’. If you’re concerned about spoilers then only read as far as Strawberry Fields.
Jill Masterson – Suffocated in Paint
Jill Masterson was in the employ of millionaire Goldfinger and helped him cheat at cards by observing his opponents hand using binocular’s from a hotel balcony. Bond was recovering from a previous mission at the same hotel and was asked to observe Goldfinger for any sign of criminal dealers. Instead Bond headed up to the balcony and sabotaged the game and put the moves on Masterson. After a tumble in the hay Bond was knocked unconscious by an unseen foe. When he came to Jill had been murdered and covered in gold paint.
Blood on Bond’s Hands: 7 Pints (out of 10) – sure she was already working for the bad guy, but he could’ve done more to protect her.
Tilly Masterson – Struck With a Razor Brimmed Bowler Hat
Following the death of her sister Jill, Tilly took after Goldfinger with revenge on her mind. Equipping herself with a hunting rifle she followed Goldfinger through Switzerland hoping to get a shot. When Bond became aware of her actions (and the fact that there was an attractive woman he hadn’t shagged yet) he damaged her car to slow her down. It didn’t deter her for long and they both tried approaching Goldfnger’s compund on the same night where Oddjob killed Tilly using his trademark bowler hat.
Blood on His Hands: 4 pints – although Bond tried to stop her from attacking Goldfinger he was the reason she was there in the first place.
Paula Caplan – Suicide to Avoid Torture
Paula was an agent of MI6 who was dispatched to assist Bond in Nassau while he was making contact with Dominique Derval. Whilst Bond was attempting to infiltrate the villainous Largo’s cruise ship Paula was abducted by Largo’s men. Bond attempted to rescue he from Largo’s compound but arrived too late – Paula had taken her cyanide to avoid being tortured for information.
Blood on Bond’s Hands: 1 pint – she was there doing her job and knew the risks.
Aki – Poisoned by Mistake Instead of Bond
Aki is the assistant to Tiger Tanaka, the head of SIS in Japan, and is a highly trained and skilled ninja and spy. Although she favours traditional Japanese attire such as kimonos she will don more modern, Western clothing for missions as required. He demure outward appearance often betrays her skill set. When Bond arrives in Tokyo she acts as his contact and works with him until after she has slept with him. An assassin intended to use a length of thread to guide a drop of poison into Bond’s mouth while he slept but at the last moment he shifted and Aki was poisoned instead.
Blood on Bond’s Hands: 3 pints – she was doing her job, and Bond could’ve left it at that instead of seducing her.
Teresa ‘Tracy’ di Vencenzo – Shot in the Head
Teresa di Vencenzo first met Bond when he rescued her from a suicide attempt. He later learns that she is the only daughter of crime syndicate leader who is troubled by Tracy’s actions in the past. Seeing the effect that Bond has had on her he offers him a dowry of one million dollars. Bond turns down the offer but continues to court Tracy whilst searching for Blofeld. After the mission was complete Bond asked Tracy to marry him and they held a ceremony in Portugal. Whilst driving away from the ceremony Bond stops the car to remove the bunting. During this stop Blofeld drives past and shoots Tracy.
Blood on Bond’s Hand: 8 pints – Bond continued to pursue her even after being rebuffed instead of doing his job.
Plenty O’Toole – Dropped in a Pool With Weighted Feet
Plenty O’Toole unfortunately found herself facing the repercussions of Bond’s world without really being a part of it. Whilst hanging the casino doing some gold-digging Plenty overhears Bond placing a large bet and makes a move on him. He takes her up to his room but Tiffany Case’s goons through her out the window into the hotel swimming pool. She later sneaks back into Bond’s room but is mistaken for Case and drowned as a result.
Blood on Bond’s Hand: 10 pints – she had nothing to do with Bond’s mission, yet he got her wrapped up in his dangerous life and she paid the price.
Rosie Carver – Shot with a Remote Gun
Rosie Carver is a CIA agent who was assigned to work with Bond during his investigation of Mister Big, providing him and his heroin smuggling operation. Rosie proved to be almost a liability for Bond as she was often spooked by by the voodoo paraphernalia left behind as warnings. When Bond discovered that Rosie was a double agent who was also in the employ of Kananga she was shot by a gun hidden in a voodoo totem before she gave him any information.
Blood on Bond’s Hands: 1 pint – she kinda brought this on herself.
Andrea Anders – Shot by Scaramanga in Public
Andrea Anders was the girlfriend of Francisco Scaramanga, the most deadly assassin in the world. She lived on his private island and conducted business for him on the mainland, such as purchasing his golden bullets for him. Bond sees Anders as a way to get to Scaramanga and seduces her in an attempt to retrieve the Solar Agitator Scaramanga had stolen. When Bond went to meet her at the public drop point her found that she had already been murdered.
Blood on Bond’s Hands: 8 pints – although she was unhappy with her life and couldn’t been easily swayed against her lover, she tried to warn Bond of the risks she faced and he pressured her all the same.
Countess Lisl von Schlaf – Run Down with a Dune Buggy
Whilst investigating smuggler Columbo on behalf of shipping magnate Kristatos Bond witness Columbo and his mistress, Lisl, arguing in a club. After Columbo storms off Bond offers to escort Lisl home. She reveals that she was sent my Columbo to find information on Bond and they spend the night together. The next morning while they are walking on the beach they are attacked by Kristatos’ men driving dune buggies. Bond evades their attack but Lisl is killed.
Blood on Bond’s Hands: 5 pints – responsibility is pretty evenly shared between the two of them, since neither was doing what they should’ve been doing.
May Day – Blows Herself Up
As the lover and henchman to Zorin you’d think it would be difficult to sway her loyalties. It even took more than Bond’s Magical Penis, which has a proven track record of making dedicated women changes their loyalties, to get May Day on side. It isn’t until Zorin himself betrays her by leaving her to die in a mine shaft while she’s fighting Bond that she flips, and sacrifices herself to foil Zorin’s plan.
Blood on Bond’s Hands: 3 pints – it wasn’t for want of trying.
Paris Carver – Shot by a Hired Gun in Order to Frame Bond
Maybe it’s because his own bride was murdered but Bond doesn’t have much respect for people’s marriages. Sure Elliot Carver was an asshole, but seducing him wife so she’d give up information on him is pretty low. Carver is none to thrilled about this so he sends a hitman to kill them both and put the blame on Bond. 007 escapes, but Paris is already dead by the time he gets there.
Blood on Bond’s Hands: 10 pints – this one is entirely on him.
Solange Dimitrios – Murdered for Revealing Information to Bond
Solange Dimitrios had a hapless relationship with the abusive Alex, her husband. When Bond beat Alex in a card game he stormed off, leaving Solange left alone. Bond took the opportunity to move in on her with the intention of finding out her husband’s involvement with Le Chiffre. When she inadvertently reveals information during an over-heard phone call Le Chiffre murders her and leaves her body laying in a hammock outside Bond’s hotel room.
Blood on Bond’s Hands: 10 pints – like Paris before her this is entirely Bond’s fault.
Vesper Lynd – Drowned Inside a Flooded Elevator
Vesper Lynd was assigned from the Treasury Department to manage the funds of Bond’s poker game against Le Chiffre. Although Bond notes at their first meet that she’s not single he still puts the moves on her. Eventually the two grow close during the mission. By the end they’re planning on traveling together until Bond discovers that she was in the pocket of the criminal organisation QUANTUM, a betrayal that saw Bond’s mission fail and he himself brutally tortured. When Bond goes on the attack Lynd allows herself to drown rather than be rescued.
Blood on Bond’s Hands: 4 pints – in the end he feels like as much a victim.
Strawberry Fields – Drowned in Crude Oil
Fields was a desk clerk who was dispatched by MI6 to do one job – locate Bond and order him to report in. Instead Bond seduced her and brought her into the field with him. Shortly after that Bond’s enemies found her and drowned her in crude oil in his hotel. Nice job, asshole.
Blood on Bond’s Hands: 9 pints – you couldn’t just send her back to M?
Sévérine – Shot by Bond’s Enemy to Teach Him a Lesson
Once again Bond follows through on his habit of seducing women who are married to or involved with the villain and getting them killed (seven so far). After following a lead a casino Bond meets Sévérine, who is the lover and employee of Raoul Silva. Although she is terrified of Silva Bond convinces her to take him to meet Silva and seduces her en route. Upon arrival they’re both take captive and Silva challenges Bond to a shooting contest using Sévérine as the target, killing her.
Blood on Bond’s Hands: 8 pints – damnnit man, keep your pants on!