WTF Hollywood??? Enough with the ‘Star Wars’ Rumors!


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Obviously it’s not a prerequisite to be a Star Wars fan in order to be a geek.  But I’d hazard to guess that if you polled enough geeks, a high percentage would claim to be Star Wars fans.

Personally, I flat-out love Star Wars.  I have NINE figurines on my work desk.  Yup.  Nine.  You show me a Star Wars related object and chances are I’ll love it.  The movies, the action figures (don’t call them toys!), the novels, the graphic novels–I got nothin’ but love for the universe George Lucas created.  Except for Jar Jar Binks.  Fuck that character.  I even like (gasp!) the prequels.  Not so much The Phantom Menace but definitely Attack of the Clones and especially Revenge of the Sith.  I mean come on!  Yoda fighting with a lightsaber?  Anakin and Obi-Wan dueling it out on Mustafar?  That’s worth the price of admission right there.  But the original trilogy will always have a special place in my heart.  It’s what I grew up on.  It’s a cinematic experience I enjoyed over and over again in the 1980s.

Uh we've kind of been waiting here for over a year Mickey.

Uh we’ve kind of been waiting here for over a year Mickey.

You can imagine my excitement therefore when the House of Mouse bought Lucasfilm over a year ago and announced a plethora of new Star Wars films coming our way.  Compound that with the facts George Lucas would have minimum involvement, J.J. Abrams (an actual fan of the series) would direct, and the producers would employ more practical effects, and my excitement turned to rapture.

Now granted I figured “Hey it’s over a year before production starts, it’s going to be awhile before there’s any solid concrete casting.”  So I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

I’m here to say that I’m tired of waiting.  I’m tired of sifting through the rumors.  I’m tired of everyone from Saoirse Ronan, to Ryan Gosling, to freakin’ everyone but Rob Schneider seemingly involved.  At this point the only confirmed character in the entire movie is R2D2, who I might add is fully automated.  Kenny Baker will not reprise the role.  It’s frustrating enough to make Yoda lose his cool.

True story.

True story.

This film is set to roll in about two months and we have no solid casting news?  Unacceptable.  Are you seriously trying to tell me that Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, and Carrie Fisher have not committed yet?  That the producers have zero clue about who will play the children of Skywalker and Solo?  About who will play the main villain?  What the Hell is going on in England and  Hollywood?  What are they doing?  Hanging out at the Mos Eisley Cantina waiting for things to fall into place?

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In any case, Disney comes across as either extremely incompetent or highly clandestine.  And it’s annoying as Hell.

At this point I’m fed up.  I’m done.  I have no interest in anymore rumors.  To quote Dr. Evil from Austin Powers, “Throw me a freakin’ bone here!”

That’s why I’ve made a New Year’s Resolution.  Henceforth, I will no longer comment on Star Wars casting rumors on Facebook, on Twitter, or my own personal blog.  Until Disney deigns to inform the public that SOMEONE has signed on the dotted line, I couldn’t care less.

In conclusion all I have to say to the casting director for Episode VII is get your shit together and may the Force be with you, because right now these rumors are like Sith lightning to my skull.

You can follow me on Twitter as Darth Gandalf @cocook1978, on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/#!/flicktasticmovies, or my movie blog at http://www.whydithavetobesnakes.blogspot.com/.