Top 10 Lamest Batman Villains
Batman has battled many, many colourful characters over the course of the past seven decades. Many of them have transcended the comic book form and become ingrained into pop-culture. Here at the House of Geekery we’ve covered the Top 10 Best Villains right here, as a celebration of how great these characters are. But with any large output of character like this, there’s going to be a few duds…
10. Maxie Zeus
Many villains in the Batman universe possess strange and amazing powers. Maxie Zeus thinks he has amazing powers. Due to being damaged in the brain, Maxie has latched onto the idea that he is the real Zeus, Greek god of thunder. This wouldn’t be a problem if he just sat in the corner babbling to himself, but his wealth, power and henchmen see to it that his whims are indulged. His confrontations with Batman are often short and painful.
9. Calender Man
Calender Man almost feels like a wasted opportunity. The notion of a serial killer who strikes on noteworthy days of the year isn’t any less odd than a criminal who leaves riddles at the scene of the crime. Sadly he has been underutilised with his most significant role being locked up in Arkham for the duration of The Long Hallowe’en. He might’ve kept some dignity during this role, then Loeb changed his design by having the days of the months tattooed around his head, making him look like an idiot. He was a bit scary in Arkham City though.
Anarky is one of the few characters on this list who can make for interesting reading. He’s schemes are designed to result in social change instead of being promtped by petty theft, psychosis or world domination. But he’s getting included for two reasons. Firstly, he’s blatantly ripping off ‘V’ from V For Vendetta and secondly he’s revealed to be a 12-year-old boy wearing stilts.
7. Killer Moth
Killer Moth saw Batman with his bat-theme and gadgets and awesome ninja skills and figured he could do the same thing and hire himself out as a criminal. Sadly, his plan was let down by choosing the moth as the symbol to strike fear into his enemies. Then he attached cute little fairy wings to his outfit. Then there’s the pants…
As it was mentioned in the Top 10 Villains list, The Riddler is the most under-utilised character in the Batman mythos. Having a lamer version of the character hanging around is beyond unnecessary. Whilst The Riddler leaves cryptic riddles that Batman must decode in order to find a clue, the Cluemaster skips the clever part and just leaves a clue for some reason. A former game show host, The Cluemaster makes up for not having any powers by including plastic pellets (stuck to the front of his costume) that he can throw at Batman. Sometimes he joins the Injustice League, in which he fails as part of a team.
5. Tweedledee and Tweedledum
Bob Kane had a weird fixation with turning Wonderland characters into villains. Walrus was a little badass, Mad Hatter had some serious crazy and cool powers and The Carpenter was imaginative and fun. Tweedledee and Tweedledum? They had nothing. They were two fat cousins who dress alike and commit crimes. They dress like idiots. They look like idiots. They are idiots.
4. Kite Man
Kite Man’s real name is Charlies Brown. He is named after Charlie Brown. Who likes to fly kites. He doesn’t have any powers. He uses a variety of kites to commit crimes. Batman uses a kite to defeat him. Kite Man is defeated when he crashes into a tree. Then he joins a sport team. He uses kites.
3. Crazy Quilt
Let’s just put aside the fact that this twit is named after a blanket and look at how ridiculous this dude is on his own. The fact that he’s blind may go some way to explain why he’s dressed like a Mardi Gras float, but not why his powers are retarded. Using his helmet to see (somehow) he uses bright colours to confuse his enemies! Lame.
2. Penny Plunderer
Questions many people have when they start reading Batman concerns the odd stuff decorating the Batcave, including the prominent giant penny and the robot dinosaur. Whilst the latter is easy to explain (Batman once fought a robot dinosaur) the penny is requires some more explanation. You see, there was this guy who liked pennies. As a child he was caught stealing pennies. As he grew older his attempts to pennies became bigger. He tried to trap Batman using pennies but Batman escaped (using pennies). Then he tried to steal a giant penny but was defeated. Batman took the giant penny home with him. It was later decided that they would pretend the Penny Plunderer never existed, and the giant penny was actually used by Two-Face.
1. Ten-Eyed Man
A man with ten eyes! What advantages he must have! Wait…where are they? On his fingers?! What the hell is this?! Sure it’s a bit of an advantage for keeping track of enemies, but it becomes bloody useless the moment he wants to make a fist to punch them! Good luck aiming a gun when you have to close your eyes to hold it. He does actually have some good combat skills and special forces training, but since Batman defeated him by tossing a him a shrub that counts for nothing.
No. 3 is priceless
For everything else, there’s Batmastercard.
Wow Kite Man should’ve been defeated by Lucy Footballsnatcher.
Crazy Quilt always reminds me of Jubilee, from the X-Men, who had similar (and similarly stupid) abilities. She made sparkles. From her fingers. Because of course she did.
The final line of the wiki intro to Jubilee pretty much sums up her lameness:
“Jubilee is one of the depowered mutant characters who later reappeared using technology-based powers in the New Warriors comic series. She has since been turned into a vampire.”
So, to make her interesting they’ve had to take away her powers, then get rid of her, then bring her back with new powers, then make her a vampire. Makes perfect sense.
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oh my… No.3 and No.4, i’ve officially lost faith in DC