‘Repo Men’ Retro Review


A Review by G-FUNK

Director: Miguel Sapochnik

Cast: Jude Law, Forest Whitaker

Plot: In the future artificial organs can be leased out to extend ones life – as long as you can make the payment plan as this company has no qualms about repossessing their property.

Review: This movie had a real stand-out poster campaign, and a great concept. But in addition to exploring idea of a medical company repossessing artificial human organs from the still living recipients who can’t make payment, it also features a make-believe sense of logic and an imaginary script editor.

You will get much more enjoyment just looking at the posters.

Jude Law stars as Remy, a repo man for ‘The Union’, a company that goes for the hard sell in getting people onto payment plans for new hearts, livers, eyes, etc., and have no scruples about cutting them back out if you fall back on repayments. The first act of this movie had me hooked – the potential ethics, the political situation that made this set-up possible, the sleek futuristic design and the scathing look at the American health system that puts peoples lives in the hands of companies that stand to make a profit if they die. Sadly, all of the potential and none of the delivery. After an on-the-job accident leaves Remy with a plastic ticker, he’s facing the sharp end of the scalpel.

Herp-de-derp-de-do.

What follows would be Action Movie 101 if it was remotely exciting. Remy, who has a strange love of stabbing people in the calf (could be a drinking game, might be the only way to enjoy this trash) and Token Love Interest (hereafter TLI) run from one set piece to the next, at which point people will bust out previously unmentioned fighting skills, usually without any real call to do so. The director has a real knife fetish going on as well, as one scene sees Remy faced with a bunch of guys with knives only to ditch his gun and pull out some knives for a blatant rip-off from Oldboy.

KNIVES!

Now this may sound like it’s still potential fodder for a dumb actioner, but the movie actually worsens as it progresses resulting in one of the Top 10 Most Stupid Bloody Endings Ever. I’m going to forgo the obligatory spoiler warning because nobody in their right mind should be renting this crap, so just read on in disbelief. Remy and TLI finally knife their way to their goal reaching the Unions records room to cancel their debts only to find that it they have to barcode scan the organs still in their bodies (“We have to repo…OURSELVES!” says Remy). What follows is on par with the rave scene in The Matrix Reloaded, but worse as Remy and TLI begin a heated make out session while cutting each other open and jamming a barcode scanner into each other. Seriously, who thinks of this stuff other than the creator of the Human Centipede and David Cronenberg? After this cringe inducing scene plays out, it then turns out that it doesn’t work so they just drop a couple of grenades into the machine. Seriously, why the fuck wasn’t that ‘Plan A’?! Then, just to put the icing on the cake, it turns out that it’s all been in Remy’s head the whole time because he’s in a coma with an artificial brain making him be in his happy place.

What started as a solid 8 Star effort managed to drop a star with every extra 20 minutes that pass. Total waste of time.

Score: TWO outta TEN