‘Games of Thrones’ Season 3 – Top 12 Spoilers


Although the books having been moving of the shelves like something that sells really fast the odds are that you are more likely to be waiting for the TV show to come back on the air before tackling one of those tightly condensed bricks. If you’re one of those people and you’re reading this article then you obviously cannot wait and want to know what happens and this is your first time on the internet. On the other hand you could be one of those nerdy bookish types you have spend your lonely evenings reading the books.

Danica McKellar

“NEEEEEEERRRRDDD!!!”

In that case this is only going to serve as a celebration of Martin’s storytelling and helping you get amped up for the coming episodes.

12. Jamie Lannister Becomes a Southpaw

Jaime Lannister

Now known as ‘Lefty’ Lannister

Jamie can hardly be viewed as a sympathetic character since he was introduced knocking boots with his sister and throwing a child out of a window. As a result it was more than entertaining to watch him wallow in shit while locked in a cage during the War of the Five Kings. When he is released by Catelyn in order to secure the release of her daughters he has quite the action packed voyage and journey of discovery where we find out that the guy is more than a little wrong in the head. The most shocking moment is, of course, when his sword arm gets lobbed off.

11. Jorah Mormont Is A Dick

Jorah Mormont

Ser Friendzone.

Ser Mormont is a bitter chap, possibly as a result of being terminally friendzoned. It was expected that he would eventually overstep his boundaries as a result but the reality is that he’s already done a dirty deed. Long before the War of the Five Kings Jorah acted as a spy for the King, passing on information about Daenerys that led to her almost being poisoned by an assassin. When Daenerys finds out she is less than pleased.

10. The Rise of Jon Snow

Jon Snow

Jon Snow may know nothing but that doesn’t mean that he’s not meant for great things. Jon runs a gauntlet of challenges after falling in with the Free People of the North. He climbs the wall, he fless the army and he defends the Night Watch against a force that greatly outnumbers them. He sees Ygritte fall in battle and unexpectedly gets voted to Watch Commander.

9. Daenerys Goes to the Dark Side

Daenerys Targaryen

Because this wasn’t dark enough.

It’s almost surreal looking back at the meek creature that Daenerys was when we first met her. Her time with Khal Drogo introduced her to a world of leadership in a violent world and his death hardened her. Since then she has continued on this path. Soon we will see what she is really capable off as she raises an army of psychotic mercenaries and cuts a bloody path through the cities of the slavers.

8. Joffrey Gets Married!

Joffrey Baratheon

And not to Sansa! Luckily for the unluckiest Stark Joffrey releases her from her engagement and instead marries Margaery Tyrell. Such a grand moment…but it doesn’t last and has far reaching consequences for others. Namely…

7. Sansa Finally Marries a Lord!

Sansa Stark

She once daydreamed about marrying Joffrey before discovering that he’s a monster in short pants. When she is relieved from her commitments she is happy and may possibly be betrothed to a member of House Tyrell. Instead she is all but ambushed with a sudden marriage to Tyrion Lannister. Prepare for the most uncomfortable wedding you will ever watch.

6. Joffrey Gets What We’ve Been Hoping For

Joffrey Baratheon

Dick.

Of course the crux of the big wedding subplot occurs during the wedding feast. Joffrey gets a taste of booze that he’s unaccustomed to, get’s ahead of himself and starts insulting Tyrion and Sansa. Then our dreams come true and the wretched little bastard chokes. Sure, that’s not the whole story, but he claws at his neck while he suffocates to death and that’s what’s important.

5. Catelyn and Robb Stark Are Murdered

Robb Stark

There’s nothing as simple as a wedding in Westoros. After Robb insulted the Frey’s by breaking his oath to marry on of their many, many, many daughters they did the right thing by bringing a member of the family to the Twins in order to make amends through marriage. Everything was going swimingly under Walder Frey remembered that he’s a decrepit old fuckscone and launches an attack that sees Robb and Catelyn murdered. Then they decapitate Robb’s wolf and stitch the head on Robb’s body. Assholes.

4. Catelyn Isn’t as Dead as We Thought…

Catelyn Stark

Oh, and the flaming monk who runs with the Brothers Without Banners can bring people back from the dead. Although Catelyn has been chewed on a bit they bring her back. And she’s pissed.

3. And the Winner is…

Stannis Baratheon

The War of the Five Kings ravaged the land and even though the final sword-strokes did not happen on the field of battle is has come to an end. Renly was killed by a supernatural shade, Balon Greyjoy took a dive off a bridge, Joffrey cheerfully choked and Robb Stark was stabbed in the back by the Freys. Although he was never the strongest contender is was Stannis who was left standing. The real question is whether or not he did it under the good will of his new god.

2. Tyrion’s Revenge

Tyrion Lannister

Still putting the ‘Imp’ in ‘Pimp’.

Tyrion is no stranger to being trodden on. Since standing as a hero during the Battle of the Blackwater he was all but dismissed by his father. Public humiliation was to follow along with calls of treason. Eventually the dwarf is pushed as far as he can go and pulls the trigger on his father is a downright unpleasant manner.

1. Littlefinger Was Behind it All Along

Petyr Baelish

Who knew? Sure, he’s a crafty bugger but as unreal as it seems he has been pulling the strings from the get go. Now ready to make his move on Westoros one of the most interesting characters in the series is about step up. Bring it on.