Thoughts while watching Cabin in the Woods (a review recap)

Hey it’s Richard Jenkins… I’ve met that dude, very chill, great character actor, things are off to a good start!

Hey it’s Fred from Angel!! I loved Fred (Damn you Whedooooon!!!)

They’re all in a sciency lab thingie that will probably factor into the plot of the.. HOLY CRAP what was up with that abrupt change of scenery, it’s like one of those videos made to jump scare you (I read on the web that they were referencing Funny Games).

Oh look a girl in panties, I have a feeling we’ll be seeing a lot of horror movie tropes.

Chris Hemsworth only looks hot with long hair, and when he’s wielding a powerful cosmic hammer.

I’m not a stoner but that huge bong made out of a portable coffee thermos cup is amazing! I can see myself getting into weed just to carry that thing around.

Ohh a mistery!!

Pantie girl is cute. Final girl me thinks.

“Society needs to crumble…” I kinda agree with that, could that theme factor with the rest of the movie?

Horror movie trope sighting. Creepy gas station… Ha! Creepy attendant with the jump scare being all mysterious and eeeviiil! Is he in on it?

Oh just a bit of crappy CG

Hello Cabin in the Woods! (I think it’s needless to mention the Evil Dead similarities right?)

Creepy cabin keeps getting creepier.

Pfff gaay! Of course he’d look at the girl changing, I don’t care how much of a “good guy” he is. But I guess that’s his role right?

Role reversal, nice… She looked away! pfff lesbian!!!

I KNEW it! Creepy gas attendant is in on it!

lol speaker phone.

Cute girl is not as cute while wet… weird…

Not too keen on comic relief stoner guy (I still want that thermos tho…)

eww.. she really likes wolves.


Dolls make everything creepier.

Stoner guys speaks the truth, no latin you guys!

Way to break momentum you guys. I guess all BETS are off with this movie.

I wish Archives would have won the bet, then we would be getting some sexy witches.

I’m kinda digging this film but.. what does it all mean!!!???

Horror trope sighting… chick doing a sexy dance by herself… but, this is on purpose right?

So THAT’S how horror movies work!

Customers! Oh a clue! I guess now it’s all about the WHO?

A sacrifice? I don’t know but I like the gears in motion (ohh an analogy?)

Yay Thor made it!

Coffee cup extendable bong to the rescue!! …well that didn’t last long.

Swinging bear traps Batman! That’s a cool weapon.

“You like pain?” ugh…

“Throw a girl in a volcano” so sacrifice sounds about right…

And now a word from our japanese girls defeating an evil spirit sponsors.

Thor is being a little too heroic… I’m thinking I should start saying my goodbyes…


Unexpected kill yes! So I guess that means no final girl eh? Hmm… interesting.

Wait… she IS a final girl… and a final STONER guy! Whattatwist! Ok stoner guy you’ve proven me wrong, don’t let me down, I’m rooting for ya!

It’s a monster zoo! That is just all kinds of greatness.

Hellraiser reference! Except it’s a lament SPHERE!

Monsters on the loose! I’m liking this movie.

Ironic how a killer clown actually became funny.

Killer unicorn? Somebody make this movie now!

Ha, merman. The return of irony.

Nooo Fred! I will weep for you once more!

I KNEW I heard Sigorney Weaver over the speakers of monsters zoo, she tends to pop up at the end of movies nowadas>

…and it all ends with a huge hand and some Last by Nine Inch Nails.

“That’s what I call a fucking show!”

All in all a fun ride but… why not just kidnap the ones to be sacrificed and then sacrifice them? In any case, take THAT scream and your weak horror deconstructions.