10 X-Men Villains We Won’t See in the Movies
There have been some weird and terrible X-Men over the years…and some awesome ones who haven’t been in the films. Now it’s time to consider the villains. Some of these won’t appear in any movie or TV soon because they’re terrible, some are simply to awesome and/or bonkers to be done well. Let’s begin with an example of the latter:
Having also appeared in our list of awesome characters who haven’t been in the movies yet, we have to acknowledge that if Spiral does appear it’ll be a greatly parred down version. She has six arms and fights a good duel with her swords but there’s much more to her. She travels easily between dimensions, works alongside the insane Mojo, controls magic through her dances and runs the ‘Body Shoppe’ where she makes drastic body modifications to her victims. If a parred down version of Spiral does appear in the movies it’ll be as much a let down as the time she attacked a three sword wielding Nightcrawler and the fight lasted one panel. Just a waste.
This grotesque character was displaced from the alternate ‘Age of Apocalypse’ universe where he, for the most part, was absolutely disgusting. He rivals Mojo for straight up hideousness in the X-Men villain line up. Although he is mostly a face with four arms, he’s immensely strong with an incredibly long, barbed and electrified tongue. His usual routine is based in horrifying biological experiments. Unless the movies takes the time to set up his Josef Mengele situation, something characters like Mister Sinister are better suited to, it’s not worth the effort.
Bless the Technet, they kept X-Men comics weird at a point when…well, it was pretty fucking weird during the 80s. Technet are a touch unique in comics in that they’re aliens who look really, really alien. There’s a weird baby thing Joyboy who grants people distorted versions of their greatest desire, reptilian Chinadoll whose touch shrinks people down to the size of figurines, the blobbish, large eyed Waxworks who turns people into a rubbery consistency and Hard-Boiled Harry, a living bomb who resembles Tweety-bird. There are plenty more, but you can already see that they’re so batshit insane that they wouldn’t fit in with the more grounded cinematic universe. Maybe season 2 of Legion…
So this guy is a were-pterodactyl. Sort of. During the dark times of The Comics Codes they weren’t allowed to have anything associated with horror in comics for…some reason. This included vampires. Initially Sauron (yes, like the Lord of the Rings character, he named himself because he’s a fanboy) was a bat-like creature and that was a little close to vampires for the uppity censors, plus he drained people’s energy so he’s an ‘energy vampire’. Sauron was a scientist who messed around with his genetics and turns himself into a pretty rad pterodactyl thing who drains energy from people to stay alive…but that’s a bit to nutty for the big screen.
His name is ‘Forearm’ and he has four arms! And one sticks out of his stomach! And…just…goddamn it, Liefeld. I know ripping on Liefeld is a cliche these days but he really did pioneer the worst era of the comic.
NANNY AND THE ORPHAN MAKER
Now they look weird…well, they are weird. But they’re super creepy. That egg shaped thing is Nanny, a former cybernetics scientist who worked for The Right. Upon learning of their anti-mutant agenda she tried to rescue the children they were experimenting on. The resulting fight led to her being trapped in one of her cyborg suits. Peter is a young boy she rescued from the facility, also locked in a cyborg suit and re-christened ‘Orphan Maker’. Together they steal children and murder their parents, raising them in a twisted Peter Pan type situation. Between the menacing Orphan Maker’s childlike mannerisms, the brain washed, stolen children or the images of murdered parents it’s hard to pick out the most disturbing part of this pairing. Either way, they’re both weird and creepy and not appearing in any movie soon.
As silly as it is a character who can launch his hands at people could lead to some cool action sequences. When it’s coupled with a character who is supposed to be taken seriously and is supposed to be some kind of badass (enough that he can smack around Deadpool) it’ll be pretty ridiculous. Plus what kind of man can pull off that look? Just hop into your tiny tunic, super high pants and fluff up that bulge. Bad. Ass.
There’s two things you need to be a member of the Externals: immortality and seriously bad hair. There are two dudes with top ponytails in one team. That’s awful. These guys are mutants who all happen to have the extra bonus of being immortal. They were introduced in the 90s as a substitute for the superior Hellfire Club and quickly dropped when they proved to both boring and silly. They screwed up the who mutant related lore and to this day there’s many unresolved plot threads associated with them. Is Cannonball still immortal? What happened with that? The Externals won’t be in the movies because we’ve got the Hellfire Club.
Like the Externals before them these guys were meant to replace the Hellfire Club as the high society, wealthy and powerful mutants…but all edgy and extreme in the 90s. Their deal was that they were competing for some grand prize but killing good guy mutants. After working them into every X-Men book available and having them kill some third tier characters everyone did their best to write them out. First the Gamesmaster behind it all changed the competition to ‘capturing’ rather than killing their targets, possibly because it’s not sustainable to have powerful characters killing everyone. Then they decided they would make the competition about training mutants. Then they cancelled it altogether. What was this grand prize the most powerful mutants in the world were competing for? No fucking idea. These guys were bland villains whose story literally went nowhere.
Now I will concede that this could be well written. Xavier, being the massive dickhead that he is erases Magneto’s mind. Memories, personality, ability to wipe his own butt…everything gone. Xavier is eventually corrupted by this act and turns into the living disaster Onslaught. Xavier becoming evil and paying the price for his actions is itself scary but sadly the whole cross-over was a terrible, ridiculous mess. Xavier’s dark side manifesting as an unstoppable villain could be a cool movie, just start it from scratch. There’s a panel where Beast explains it all to another character after the fact and uses the word ‘somehow’ three times in one sentence.
Yeah, bet you didn’t know Spider-Woman had a stint as an X-Men villain. Freedom Force was a rebranded Brother of Evil Mutants on the government payroll, used by the brass to bring down mutants who are causing a bother. Spider-Woman joined up during this ‘legitimate’ period of the team…but she was working alongside Mystique, Blob, Pyro, Avalanche, Destiny and Spiral. Known bad dudes. It was implied that she was kinda naive about all these, but don’t expect her to turn up in an X-Men movie. We don’t even know who owns the rights to Spider-Woman…is she part of the Spider universe or the Avenger universe?