Movie Review: ‘Haunted Mansion’ (2023)

10/11/2023 by gfunk101

Director: Justin Simien

Cast: LaKeith Stanfield, Rosario Dawson, Owen Wilson, Tiffany Haddish, Danny DeVito, Jamie Lee Curtis, Chase W. Dillon, Jared Leto

Plot: Ben is an astrophysicist turned New Orleans tour guide who gets recruited by Father Kent to investigate an allegedly haunted mansion occupied by a widower and her son.

Review: If you want to talk to people about movies based on Disneyland attractions (and why wouldn’t you?), you’ll find that most people have only seen Pirates of the Caribbean and maybe Jungle Cruise. They might be surprised to learn that there are a total of SEVEN movies spawned from the works of Imagineers. We certainly know this because we have watched, reviewed and ranked every one of the dang things including the original take on The Haunted Mansion. Needless to say this new attempt to adapt the ride to film works out better than the 2003 version…but that is a very low bar. Time to find out if it is worthwhile.

We open with an introduction to Ben (Stanfield) at a New Years party where he meets his future wife Alyssa (Charity Johnson). Despite their very different worldviews – him being an astrophysicist and her a supernatural tour guide – they form a connection. We jump forward in time to find a grieving, alcoholic and widowed Ben now working as a miserable tour guide. One morning Father Kent (Wilson) turns up on his doorstep and convinces him (with a wad of cash) to investigate a haunted mansion. Ben is asked to use a lens he developed to pick up particles that could reveal ghosts.

The house in question has recently been bought by Gabbie (Dawson), also a widower who, along with her son (Dillon). They’re plan to open a B&B has been derailed by supernatural activity that also prevents them from leaving. Over the course of their investigations they include a Harriet, a Medium (Haddish), and historian Bruce (DeVito) before finding that they’re all now trapped and must solve the mystery behind the ghostly activities. Uncovering a crystal ball that imprisons the deceased psychic Madame Leota (Curtis), they learn that the ghosts themselves are also trapped by the sinister Hatbox Ghost (Leto) who seeks to complete a ritual to break out of his own purgatory.

It’s not a bad set-up for spooky hijinks. We have a bunch of distinct, eccentric characters played by charismatic actors on a Scooby-Doo-esque adventure in an imaginative setting. Unfortunately the experience hits two major stumbling blocks. The first is that they can’t seem to settle on how these characters are approaching the situation. They often pendulum between being outright scam artists aware that ghosts aren’t real and capitalising, being the real-deal but incompetent and their jobs, being outright deniers who don’t want anything to do with so-called hauntings or hopeful that they’re going to find real spirits. It’s difficult to get a handle on where some of these characters are coming from. Harriet, for example, appears to be a grifter in her first scene, then seems to be convinced she’s a psychic but incapable of achieving anything only for it to be revealed that she’s the real deal. A bit more time spent clarifying these roles and who is what would go a long way to making the story work.

The second major stumbling point is that the movie just isn’t funny. It sets itself up as family friendly comedy, but the humour rarely lands. Comedic moments, such as Ben pretending that his battery-less camera is working by making shutter noises, drags on and on. Repeating the bit over and over again doesn’t make it funnier.

It’s less of an issue on the overall story, but some comedic and dramatic moments of the film get derailed by crowbarred in product placement for various fast-food outlets. One stand-out sequence involves Ben opening up for the first time about his wife’s death in a car accident, which occurred when she was out to buy tater tots. He mentions, in the middle of this story, that she decided to go and “get ice-cream…you know, Baskin Robbins”. It’s so awkwardly forced in, and Stanfield seems to be trying to gloss over it quickly. Along with Baskin-Robbins we get awkward product placement for Burger King, Yankee Candle, Black Panther, Fujifilm, Zillow and no doubt more that didn’t pick up on. With such rich production design and a sense of magical realism, this corporate profit-driven moments are deeply jarring.

Putting that aside, there is one aspect of this movie that really worked for us. We’re a family of Disneyland nerds (not an easy thing to achieve from Australia, let me tell you) and the Haunted Mansion is one of my all time favourite attractions. As a young child I saw a TV special of a child riding Haunted Mansion with a girl who is revealed to be a ghost and it absolutely lit up my imagination. Being a nerdy adult I’ve dug into the history of the ride and picked apart the lore, and this film is a great representation of the design and storytelling present in the attraction. From the distinct wallpaper and furniture, classic moments like the stretching room and the ballroom, seeing characters like The Bride, the Hitch-Hiker Ghosts and many more is plenty of fun. Along with my children, we had an absolute ball pointing out these details, and we could triple the length of review detailing them all. Why they cast Jared Leto as the iconic Hatbox Ghost we’ll never know – he doesn’t add anything to the role and he certainly couldn’t be considered a box-office draw these days.

If you’re a fan of the ride, this movie will be a bit of fun. Otherwise we can’t imagine much appeal for wider audiences. Maybe next time.

Rating: FIVE out of TEN

And why not, we’ll add it to the ranking. It manages to squeak ahead of Tower of Terror on production value alone, don’t let it go to its decapitated head.