Ten Things that ‘The Avengers’ Could’ve Done Better
So I saw The Avengers again. Not surprising really – it’s the best thing going until The Dark Knight Rises comes out. Instead of fan gushing onto the internet once more I thought I’d try a different tack – I’ll try and compile a list of everything the movie it poorly. How hard could it be to nitpick what is at heart a big dumb blockbuster? The results…well, it’s still bloody fantastic. But I went in with a mission and I’m going to damn well deliver.
10. Hawkeye’s short term memory problems
This is the kind of issues that I’m forced to rely on if I’m going to make up this list. When an entry is this petty I’ll be including a picture of Tom Petty. That’s how petty it is.
At the beginning of the film Loki puts the whammy on a small number of characters including Clint ‘Hawkeye’ Barton. During this exchange Nick Fury tries to get information out of Loki, who tells Fury what his name is. Later when Hill encounters Hawkeye and Loki in the garage she asks who Loki is, only for Hawkeye to respond that he never said his name. BUT HE DID!
Maybe he was distracted by something…
9. Captain America’s short term memory problems
Before heading into to New York for a nice big showdown Steve Rogers asks Black Widow if she can fly one of the jets. Um, who dropped you off the first time you butted heads with Loki again?
8. Loki Doesn’t Make An Escape
When a bunch of superheroes are dragging you of the jail and then start knocking the crap out of each other, take the chance to do a runner. Sure it turns out that his plan was to get into SHIELD HQ to piss off the Hulk but the fact that he didn’t take off really should’ve been a clue to Iron Man, Cap. and Thor.
7. So…who is this council?
A couple of times during the movie we witness Fury in conference with a council of shadowy people to whom he seems to answer to. What we don’t know is who these people are. They give him orders and he shows them a degree of respect, but they don’t seem able to disciple him when he ignores them. Are they part of the American government or are they an international body?
6. Black Widow has a Super Stealthy Jacket!
When Black Widow rocks up to Loki’s cell she’s wearing a brown jacket…which VANISHES!!!
5. What’s with the glowy blue cube thingie?
Right, so this box deal has the power to open a dimensional rift but seriously what the hell is it? Where did it come from, who made it, what was it made for and how did it end up on Earth? In Captain America: The First Avenger we see Red Skull dig it out of a crypt and use it to make weapons, but they do very little to explain the magical McGuffin.
4. What’s the big deal with Earth?
Ok, let’s say they explain where this blue cube came from, how it works and why everyone wants it – why does anyone want Earth? Loki is keen to be the king of a world and the Chitauri (?) are a scrappy bunch but what’s their interest in Earth? Get the cube and bail, there’s no reason to trash the place once the portal is open. Considering how much they look down on our little planet it’s weird how much effort they expend on it.
3. It didn’t go long enough!
Rumour has it that up to half an hour was lopped of the final cut – bring on the Blu-Ray!
2. Yeah, I got nothing.
Skip to the last entry.
1. Gwyneth Paltrow is in it.
I hate Gwyneth Paltrow. Years ago Rachel McAdam’s was the first actress offered the role of Pepper Potts. Why didn’t she take it? The movie could’ve been perfect!
This is the pettiest list I have ever read. I approve wholeheartedly. It’s the only way fault could be found with Avengers.
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Hawkeye obviously lied to Maria Hill though because he was trying to sneak Loki out of there.
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Exactly.. I was just going to write this.. he lied about Loki because he was under mind control.
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Totally agree with you on #5. I’ve seen Thor and C.A. and the last thing you remember is the cube. So, when it was the subject matter, I was dumbfounded …spending 5 minutes trying to recall the darn thing in the cinema.
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With number 4. Loki wants to take Earth from Thor because it’s under Thor’s protection and he adores it so much, plus Jane’s on Earth and he’s super jealous of her.
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I have found my a new daily website. You nailed this AND your 10 Most Awesome Moments post.
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I have found a new daily website to visit. You nailed this AND you nailed your Top 10 Most Awesome list.
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Meant to add that I couldn’t agree more about Gwyneth Paltrow. It must have sucked to be in a movie that, you know, kinda has a pro-America feel to it.
And to work with a known conservative, Downey Jr must have made it hard…but I’m sure she’s having no problems cashing the checks. She’s made so many anti-American statements (along with that doucher Ruffalo [but kicked butt as Banner]) that I avoid any movie she’s in.
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The Cosmic Cube/Tesseract has been in the comics for a long time. It’s Asgardian in nature, supposedly.
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Also, when Barton and the rest are storming the Helicarrier the grenade that gets lobbed in front of Hill would have killed her.
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I’m sorry…but I just love your site…you can condense all my posts into one if you want…
Anyway. I think they should have gone with Norton. I know he has a “reputation as a diva”. But isn’t all of Hollywood a bunch of narcissistic divas? Ruffalo played a great geeky scientist…but he thinks George Bush and Cheney were remote controlling the airplanes on 9/11. Why do those kinds of comments go unchecked in Hollywood…but if an actor is conservative they basically get blacklisted?
And no one can deny Norton’s the better actor.
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The Tom Petty photos were hilarious!
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